I was almost killed the other day. On the way back from an unsuccessful fishing trip with my soon to be adopted son, I stared death in the eye. And I told him GFY. Ok maybe I didn't almost die but I could have been paralyzed. As we were leaving Saluda I noticed a bee the size of beer bottle cap. I was reaching for something to hit it with. Nine, who was driving, said to take my boot off and hit it with that. As I got it off the bee flew toward my face! I had to act fast! I had.....to escape! I ripped the big red door open and dove out of Nine's pickup. I executed a perfect tumble onto the shoulder of the road with no injuries wearing one boot.
I hate bees. Over the years I have been stung a lot. I'm not allergic either. And for some reason when a bee gets near me I get naked. It all goes back to the Summer of 1988. Me and my friends in the neighborhood were skaters. I skated a Vision Gator Gonzalez board. Years later I think Gator killed his wife. Someone research that. So we're skaters and this kid Steven had a jump ramp. Believe it or not I could skateboard pretty good. In Steven's backyard we were skating around and someone stirred up a hornet's nest. Literally. I was nearby and several bees went up my pants leg. I commenced to taking my pants off. Taking my shoes and socks off. And when I couldn't find the bees, taking my underwear off. There I stood, wearing only my socks in front of my 4 friends. To make matters worse I slung my pants into the tree and Steven hand to get them down for me.
Next time I'll tell you about the time a poisonous snake bit my junk and Fatboy saved my life.