Everyone hates me
Literally, everyone hates me. Especially every fourth year. In leap years, I am a hated man. Maybe not because it's leap year, but more because it's also election year.
You see, I am neither red nor blue but I embody parts of each. I'm large. I can be multiple things.
I think all men are created equal, and I mean all men. Not just ones like me. I think everyone should have the same rights, and I mean literally everyone. I believe in the 14th amendment and I believe in Clint Eastwood so I think people should be gay marrying all they want.
I love guns. I support gun owners' rights.
I'm also in favor of the death penalty.
I'm all for legalizing and decriminalizing some drugs, both because we should and as a non-violent solution to some of our immigration issues.
Ask me for my position on any issue and once I've finished telling you, I will either be called a socialist or a right wing nut job.
In short, we can agree that neither the reds nor the blues have all the answers, but we won't settle for a little from column A and a little from column B. Cause calling names is way more fun, except that it is going to get us all killed.