Sup guyyyyys, pissies, brothers, and the like-
Karate Kid.Â We've all seen this classic starring the likes of Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita.Â Daniel-san is a kid from Jersey who moves into a new town and is being bullied by karate dudes who sometimes dress as skeletons while riding their BMX bikes.Â Daniel-san, on the other hand, likes rubbing off old cars and wearing shower curtains.Â There were 2 good movies under this banner - there was a Karate Kid 3 but of course it sucked out loud.Â
Have you heard about Karate Kid 4?Â Well, it's not being called "4"Â - just renamed Karate Kid.Â Weird huh?Â Who will play Daniel-san?Â Who could do it?Â Turtle from Entourage?Â No.Â Jack Roper?Â No.Â The Shamwow guy?Â No (but he'd play a good Johnny.)Â Will Smith's son is playing Daniel-san.Â Yeah, the Italian kid from Jersey is now black.Â BTW, Mr. Miyagi is being played by Jackie Chan.Â There will be those that call this politically incorrect, but Will Smith's kid shouldn't be playing Daniel-san.Â It's a different story!Â The Italian kid from Jersey is now a black kid with cornrows.Â Yeah, yeah, yeah call me racist but it's not.Â I love that kid in the "Pursuit of Happiness."Â It's like when they did the "Honeymooners" movie with a black cast.Â
The problem is Hollywood is so dull and uninventive all they can do is remake movies or make TV shows into movies or make a 30 second Saturday Night Live sketch into a movie - Macgruber!Â So they think if they remake the movie but change it up even if ever so subtle that they're putting their spin on it - making it their own as they say.
Well I say, horsecrap!Â Imagine "Boys In The Hood" with white guys or "3 Men and A Baby" with Tony "Zeus" Lister, Bookman from Good Times, and Stephan Urkel (the actor not the MC of The Greenville Drive games.)
The point here is not skin color, religion, or creed (who by the way will be playing a concert before the NASCAR All Star Race) - NO, it's about Hollywood sucking balls.Â Major balls!Â Choking on 'em!Â I say no more!Â When good movies like "Neato Mosquito can't get distribution and "Harlem Knights" starring the cast of the Blue Collar Comedy tour can, we have a problem folks.Â Until then, I'll just sit back and watch REAL movies like "The Ringer", "Freddy Got Fingered", and "Glitter" and you can tickle my boffhoff.
Well the thing is it's not even a remake. It is a completely different story. Why they just named it Karate Kid I have no idea. Jackie Chan is some kung fu master janitor, and Will Smith's son's mom moved to Japan or some crap. It looks like it's gonna suck.
Are you going to have a follow up post or article about this anytime soon? :)