Twisted Todd


Posts from March 2014


NO MORE MR NICE TWISTED
Well this has certainly been an interesting week thus far.  At least I had a good weekend as Tessa and I took our moms and my mom's friend, Janice out to the Greenville Road Warriors hockey game at Bon Secours Wellness Arena.  My mom had never been to a hockey game so she had a ball as we all did.  I think we are going to have to make a more frequent occasion of this!
 



 
On Monday, I was saddened by the news of the passing of Dave Brockie better known as Oderus Urungus, frontman of the notorious shock rock band Gwar.  I am, however, thankful that I did get to attend at least one Gwar show and that was just last April at the Handlebar.  Having heard to great detail about the abundant amount of fake bodily fluids that get sprayed and splattered about at one of their shows, I did my best to stay at one side of the stage in order to avoid getting soaked.  Despite my attempt to stay dry, it was Oderus himself who spotted my group of relatively dry soon-to-be-victims of his bountiful green demon semen which gushed from his oversized codpiece.  As reluctant as I was to get soaked with the green colored liquid, I am now grateful and honored.  RIP ODERUS!

 


 
Yesterday as I got to work, I ran into Nine in the stairwell who asked if I had heard that morning's show to which I replied that I had not.  He then told me that there was a bit involving me and how I was, apparently, a prick.

Needless to say, as soon as I turned on my computer, I was pulling up the audio before FatBoy even had the podcast up.  The bit centered around an email from a listener who had asked me for a song request which was a song that we do not play.  As I am with most listeners who ask for left of center requests, I informed them that we do not play it.  As with some who get news that their request is not 'up to snuff', they got offended so therefore, for being honest, I am a prick.

With the reading of the email, phone calls and texts (all of which I read) followed, 70 to 80% of which were negative and featured some stories about me that were not exactly accurate.  One caller claimed that I was booed off stage at a Megadeth show at Ground Zero in Spartanburg back in December 1999.  I honestly cannot remember if I was since I was just some weekend overnight jock at the time still in my rookie year.  However, I am fairly certain that I wasn't still holding a grudge years later as the caller claimed.

Another caller even said that I went off on him for spilling beer on me at the Evanescence show at Littlejohn Coliseum in Clemson back in January 2012.  I don't even remember the incident but, again, I am fairly certain that I would not have yelled at the guy for an accident.  I asked my wife if she remembered the incident and she said she did and confirmed that I did, in fact, keep my composure.  She, on the other hand, said she shot the guy a nasty look.  I suppose had the guy spilt beer on my wife, I might would have been quite a bit more aggressive.

No matter how hard I strive to be a nice guy when dealing with people in the public eye, I am still going to be deemed a prick.  So, with that in mind, what's the point of trying?  It is much easier to just be a prick and save myself the futile effort of being the 'nice guy'.  Make it so.  Oderus would be proud.
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LUCK OF THE TWISTED
So, after an exhaustive weekend of either attending or participating in benefits for some very worthy causes, Karma decides to go and take a crap on me on St. Patty's Day.  Just my luck.

Before I get to the core of my bitching, I will first cover the weekend.  I had a Facebook friend ask for some help promoting a barrel race benefiting the Wonded Warrior Project.  Since I had St. Baldricks coming up the same weekend, there wasn't much I could do as all my on air and Facebook plugs would be to support that since I was actively involved.  However, I did agree to at least come out and support in person as an unofficial appearance of sorts.  So my wife and I made our way to Donalds, SC near Greenwood on Saturday.  Keep in mind that the entire weekend of St. Patrick's Day I wear my lovely $30 Party City kilt and matching plaid green fedora so I, of course, got a lot of interesting looks among a sea of cowboy hats and belt buckles!

Regardless of the looks and whispering gestures as well as the extremely corny country songs the DJ was spinning, I managed to enjoy the timed races and the terrific fair type foods like fried Oreos!  Not to mention the Twisted Missus got to see some baby cows and pet a few horses.  And they managed to raise over $3500 for the Wounded Warrior Project!

Sunday was St. Baldrick's so I threw my Irish garb back on and braved the considerably colder-than-the-previous-day's elements!

 


 
My good friend Blake was joining me and the Borderlands Comics and Games team this year for the first time as he had a TON of hair to cut much like I did my first year!  And, as did I my first year, he donated it to Locks of Love!

 

 

Before I got up to get shaved, Rob, the owner of Borderlands Comics and Games and by default the team leader, auctioned off his eyebrows while he was in the barber chair.  I had been considering it myself since I have to constantly manscape the cooky things but that made my mind up!  So auction them off I did!  And the money came pouring in: four twenties, four fives and three ones for a grand total of $103 on the spot and placed in my hand while I was in the chair!
 



 
After the event, many folks on the team went over to Local Cue for some food and drinks.  Tessa and I shared a build-it-yourself mac n cheese that had bacon and tomatoes in it as well as some wings and a BBQ chicken quesadilla!  We also had fun playing a game of giant Jenga that was handmade by using cut up 2x4s!  Props to Rob our team leader for paying for the food!

When Tessa and I got home, we were too tired to bother with any of our household chores (Sunday is usually laundry day so I wouldn't be sniffing my clothes too closely) so we rested the rest of the evening before going to bed and starting another work week.  We did, however, find time to play with my newly shaved eyebrows!

 


 
BTW, my wife has to close her eyes to kiss me now!  And, no, she didn't have to before, wiseass!

The next morning I had to go to the doctor for a follow-up to some blood work I had done recently.  The results weren't bad but my triglycerides have always been an issue for me as they are a bit high.  However, all things considered, I was pleased with the results as was my doctor who encouraged me to continue doing what I am doing in an effort to shed some more weight and get healthier.

When I got back into my car, I turned the ignition and nothing.  Since I had to hurry and get to work, I called Tessa and told her to come get me while I tinkered with the battery and froze my shamrocks off in my cheap ass kilt.  Later that evening before coming to get me from work, Tessa along with her grandmother and Aunt Cheryl tried to boost my car but to no avail.

After leaving my car at the doctor's office overnight, Tessa and I got up early this morning and went to Advance Auto Parts for some jumper cables and supplies to clean off the battery terminals which had some built up corrosion.  Then we jumped the car and it went!  So I drove it back to Advance Auto to get the battery itself tested and came to the conclusion that it was time for a new battery.

Now that I've got a new battery and my car appears to be running well (for now), I suppose I don't really have much to bitch about.  I guess it just bothered me to have had such crappy luck after a weekend of trying to do good.  Good thing I don't really believe in Karma in the first place.  I believe one should do good deeds with no goal in mind save that of the deed being done itself.
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Topics: Human Interest




 
MR. TWISTED GOES TO WASHINGTON
Man, my first trip to D.C. was a blast!  Granted it was an adventure and, as such, it had its ups and downs!  After I got off the air on Friday, February 28th, Tessa and I finished packing and we had my mom and Aunt Pat pick us up to take us to the train station to board the Amtrak Crescent train that runs from New Orleans to New York.  Somewhere along the way from N'ollins, the train ran two hours behind schedule.  In order to get a little distance from some of the interesting clientele in the boarding room, we ran to the nearest Waffle House to get some coffee and kill some time.

When the train finally arrived at nearly 1am, we boarded the train and took our viewliner roomette which was REALLY small!  NOT recommended for tall or fat people or, God forbid, tall AND fat people!  Thank God we are only SHORT and fat!

We arrived in Washington D.C. at Union Station around 10:30 or 11am and took the Metrorail to the Foggy Bottom station where our hotel was.  After we checked in, we got right back on the Metrorail and rode into the Arlington Cememtery station so we could check out Arlington Cememtery (DUH!).  We walked extensively around the cemetery and the Arlington House and also caught the Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

The next day was going to be the warmest day we were to have with the high in the lower 50s so we decided to go to the Smithsonian National Zoo.  The zoo was right in between two Metrorail stations so we had a good walk getting to the zoo followed by an extensive walk in the zoo itself and getting back to the next station.

We then took the Metrorail into Gallery Place station and visited the Smithsonian American Art Museum.  We had skipped lunch so we were both quite hungry but I insisted on getting this museum in before it closed at 7pm.  We managed to cover the entire museum but just barely as I had no idea just how involved it would be.

Thankfully we were within a short walking distance to the Hard Rock Cafe where we had a much needed dinner after the day's ventures.

On Monday, the Lord decided to bless our vacation with a generous helping of snow.  Our original plan for the day was to take in the monuments and memorials at the National Mall since they cannot technically close due to winter weather.  However, when we exited the Smithsonian station and experienced a wind chill of -7, we quickly changed our tune and boarded the Metrorail and rode to the next station, L'enfant Plaza to visit the only Smithsonian museum that was open: the Air and Space Museum!
 



 
Thankfully everything reopened the next day so we made our way to the Smithsonian Institution Building (also known as the Castle) and looked around until the National History Museum opened at 10am.

 


 
On Wednesday, we took the Metrobus heading for Wahington Dulles International Airport then took a shuttle bus to the other Air and Space Museum, the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center.  This was by far my favorite of all the museums as it consists of three oversized hangars featuring many amazing and historical aircrafts such as the Enola Gay, the SR-71 Blackbird and the Space Shuttle Discovery.

 


 
Fyi, that look on my face isn't completely exaggerated as I was, indeed, freaking balls at the size of the hangars.  I have this weird phobia of looking up at heights NOT looking down from them.

Thursday was our last full day in D.C. so we walked from our hotel straight down to the Lincoln Memorial then walked the length of the Reflecting Pool (which, unfortunately, was drained) and walked by the Korean and WWII Memorials and the Washington Monument.  We also got a fairly good view of the White House before heading up to Honest Abes Souvenir shop to wrap up our souvenir shopping.

 


 
On Friday, we checked out of the hotel but they agreed to hold our bags so we could make our way to the Pentagon City station so I could hit up Best Buy for a Silver Book copy of the new Hunger Games movie Catching Fire on Blu-ray.

After grabbing some lunch, we went back to the hotel to grab our bags then headed back to Union Station to board the Amtrak Crescent train and head home.  This time we did not have a roomette but just coach seats which sucked because, although the train was on time leaving D.C., we ran into icy conditions as we were heading into North Carolina that slowed us down and put us off schedule by a few hours so we did not arrive in Greenville until around 8am.

Personally, I enjoyed taking the train.  My wife, however, was NOT a fan!
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